


Of Thoughts & Feelings

by Namion



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Beds, Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Sharing a Bed, comfy beds, fifty shades of experimenting writing styles, guilty pleasure, hanji and levi, lazing around, levihan - Freeform, maybe death, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, sucky writing tho, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4374746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Namion/pseuds/Namion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For every time that they're together, their hearts and minds do not hesitate to open up. </p><p>A string of few LeviHan fics that I've accumulated over the past months. Basically, this is my LeviHan drabble dump.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slumber in Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one at 3:30 am in the morning. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I thought I’d write it out using LeviHan.

It was 3 am in the morning, Hanji’s buggy eyes were wide awake although her brain remained dead. A somewhat mindless zombie tossing and turning in a mess of pillows and sheets. She peered into the darkness, letting her eyes adjust. Coming to a resolve that she can’t do anything about it, she stood up and tugged on the light bulb’s hanging switch.

Her eyes scanned the room as she thought of what to do next for her to fall asleep. Neither reading nor writing about the Titan species would do. Her brain was dead and all she sought was rest this time. Maybe this was the result of staying up too much. Your body would become adjusted to be in sync with your brain’s nocturnal state. It will take some time to get back to the proper sleeping schedule.

“…Levi,” the name barely escaped her lips. “Nah, he might slam the door at me.”

She went anyway.

Yawning and scratching her eyes, she landed a gentle knock on the wooden door. She waited for a sound that could indicate Levi getting up. She knocked again, only harder. Still nothing.

“Okay, be that way.” She began to walk away when she heard the door open.

“Oi.” Levi called out.

She stared at him, examining the messed up hair and blood shot eyes. So this is how Levi’s appearance is at an ungodly hour.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

“I heard the first knock.”

“Then why didn’t you get up and open the door?”

“Would you even bother getting up at this time when you’re already sleeping soundly?”

“Good point.”

Hanji walked up to the door and stared inside Levi’s room. Everything was neat and tidy, as expected, except for the bed with its slightly creased sheets and tilted pillow.  
“You can’t sleep, can you?” Levi asked.

“Uhh… Yeah.” She said, looking back down at him.

There was always this mutual understanding that connected both of them and this has been a reason for them to find comfort in each other. Sometimes, words aren’t necessary for them to convey what they need. It has been like this for all the times they’ve been together. All those training, expeditions, research, titan-capturing, you name it.

“I told you before, when you stay up, don’t do it 5 days straight.” He spat. “You’re ruining your sleep cycle and-”

“I got it. I didn’t come here to get a lecture, Levi.” Hanji sighed.

Levi pulled the door even wider, gesturing for her to come in. She complied and entered the room. The scent of cleaning products wafted in the air but there was also a kind of scent - Levi’s scent, that she can identify. It was comforting in a way.

“You don’t mind?” Hanji raised a brow at him.

“You’re already in here.” Levi closed the door and placed himself on the bed. “If you kick me in your sleep, I’m kicking you off the bed.”

“I think I can manage that.” She chuckled, joining him under the sheets.

Hanji didn’t fall asleep quickly. She took her time, taking in the image of Levi with her in bed. She stared at him for so long despite him giving his unamused and bitter gaze. This was already normal for the both of them. And although normal, they like spending time like this.

“What are you staring at?” Levi mustered.

“I feel empty.” Hanji said. “Not sad empty, the different kind of empty. When I fall asleep, I wake up again. I feel as if something’s missing.”

He remained silent.

“Maybe it’s because I have to finish checking the journal.” She rambled on. “And I think there’s a link why there’s a variety of titans hence being abno-”

“Shut up.” Levi cradled her head and body, pulling her into him. He rested his face on her neck.

Hanji blushed under his touch. She speculated it must be the same for him too. She brushed his tufts and embraced him. She lowered her head on his and breathe in his scent. There was it, that comforting yet stinging scent. He smelled like soap, probably because he took a bath before bedtime. But there was the smell of someone familiar, someone she loves.

“I found it.” Hanji said.

Levi looked up at her and asked, “What do you mean?”

“The reason why I can’t sleep.”

He kept silent.

“I think you know it already.” Hanji smiled.

“I guess so.” He tucked his head back into the crane of Hanji’s neck.

“Levi…” Her voice trailed off. She could’ve sworn she felt heat from Levi’s face on contact with her skin.

“Can’t you just sleep?” Levi withdrew his head to glare at her.

He only managed a fidget when he found his lips against Hanji’s. They felt warm and soft. Hanji pulled back and giggled at him. It was a rare sight to see Levi like this. And she enjoyed having to witness such a reaction.

“Stop it. Let’s just sleep already.” His voiced sounded furious and yet, he drew Hanji closer. He placed his head back under her chin.

“Thanks, I didn’t think I’d actually get some sleep tonight.”

Levi grunted. His breath was warm on her skin. “Not unless you were asking for something else.”

“This is enough actually, I appreciate it very much, Levi.” Hanji snuggled in his arms.

And they fell asleep.


	2. Another Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains a handful of spoilers for the manga, so read at your own risk. Again, I wrote this at 3 am after I woke up and can’t sleep. I might make a part 2 if I can. 
> 
> That last sentence was obviously a lie.

You could never tell who will die first. Humanity’s strongest soldier or is it the crazy yet genius squad leader? Both are well-equipped with weapons and possess the knowledge of combat. Both are unpredictable let alone dangerous. But they are merely humans, and eventually, a mistake would lead them to their deaths if not, sacrifice. Or to avoid a gallon of tears and distraught, it’s also possible they’ve died of old age. Who knows?

When Levi opened his eyes, everything was white. He was standing in one vast space, light source unknown. He checked himself and saw that he was in his uniform, it was clean just the way he liked it. He looked around, wondering where he should go. What was he doing here anyway and why is he here?

That’s right, he died - but how? And this he needed to know. He started walking where the light was brightest. With every step, it became brighter and brighter and brighter until he couldn’t see no more. His journey was shortened when he bumped into something nice and soft. He reached out to feel them but his hands were smacked away. He felt pain hard on the back of his hands.

“L-Levi!” Hanji’s jumpy voice beamed.

Levi peeled his eyes open. “Oh, so you’re here too.” Flustered, he looked away. “I couldn’t see anything.” He stared at his reddening hands. Hanji sure can slap.

“You’re already in heaven and you still intend to squeeze a virgin’s boobs?” Hanji said. “Do you want to get kicked out, Levi?”

“Heaven?” He squinted his eyes on Hanji. “This place?” His eyes had fairly adjusted to the light. He took note of Hanji in her Survey Corps uniform. True to being a soldier as well.

“Levi, we died. Don’t you remember anything?” Hanji asked.

Levi stared at her and this automatically meant “No, enlighten me.”

“Don’t worry, you weren’t eaten by a titan.” Hanji laughed. “But two did cause your death.”

“How?” He asked.

”The female titan and the armored titan.”

It was all coming back to him now. He had spared a regenerating Eren from the whole mess. Mikasa was assisting a disabled Erwin during that time. It was the heat of the battle. He didn’t want her to say that he was neglecting his responsibility for Eren’s safety. His injury had considerably healed but by that time, the other elites, he suspected, were already dead and they were using what was left of the tiny population of soldiers to fight. His death was not for naught, before he was trapped, he managed to land a final blow that impended the female titan’s and armored titan’s doom. As expected of him, except for his death.

“And you, how did you die?” Levi asked, eyeing Hanji.

“The dancing titan.” Hanji said with straight face.

“What kind of a name is that?” Levi furrowed his brows together.

“The titan dances, it fits. We already have a monkey titan and that’s more monkey than she is.” She explained.

“Ohh, right.” Levi replied.

“We managed to subdue her, but she was too quick. Attacked me, but was taken down by Moblit.” She said, sighing. “It was too late, of course.”

“Well, who would’ve thought our lives would end so soon?” 

“Maybe it was our time. Anyway, they’re living in peace now.”

“How did you know?”

“I saw it. When I got here, I was looking for a way out. Then I saw this.”

Hanji pulled Levi’s sleeve and he complied, coming closer to where she is. The white ground faded out onto a blue sky, and there he saw the people, reshaping the crystal walls, and Eren, now fully aware how to control himself, commanding the titans away. It was a relief to see this positive outcome. Levi couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh? You’re smiling.” Hanji was watching him, a grin plastered on her face.

“Shut up.” Levi said.

“It’s a shame though. It would’ve been nice if we could live in that time. I had a lot of plans ahead of me.” Hanji sighed.

“What kind of plans do you even have outside of dissecting titans?” Levi asked, a bit surprised.

Hanji pondered on this for a moment “Help with the restoration of every city or district in Wall Maria and Wall Rose, those things.” She finally said.

“Sounds fulfilling.” Levi said.

“There is one thing I’ve been considering though.” Hanji scratched her head. “Something personal.”

“Hm?” Levi stared at her curiously.

Hanji looked at him. The two of them locking eyes. With a stern yet happy expression, she replied: “I’d probably get married.”

“Ohh, you were thinking about that sort of thing?” It was another surprise for Levi.

Although he had already known that Hanji would want to settle down after the war, marriage was far from what he first considered that she wanted.

“Yeah, it’d be nice.” Hanji’s tone dropped, feeling doubtful.”But who would ever marry a woman with a crazy fascination for titans?”

She looked down at the world they had left. She thought that maybe someone out there who was still living was her destined partner. But she’s already dead, there was nothing that she could do.

Hanji was too busy with her thoughts to notice that Levi had took hold of her ponytail. He turned her head in his direction, stared directly into her eyes.

“I would, Hanji.” He said so honestly.

Hanji’s laugh broke their gaze and Levi’s grip. “Don’t be silly, Levi. We’re comrades…” She turned her head away.

Levi stood without a word.

“You can’t possibly…”

He stared at her, burning holes into her soul.

“… be serious…” Hanji trailed off. She looked at Levi, waiting for him to say “Yeah, I’m only joking.” but nothing came out from the man.

“Oh my god, you really are serious.” Hanji covered her face with both hands. She attempted to conceal her blushing face but she knew that Levi could see right through her.

He found this amusing.


	3. Inside the Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s short. Just typed this on the spur of the moment. 
> 
> Also renamed the title to avoid redundancy.

She was rough and cruel - but isn’t that already common with the females here? Yes, but she’s different. She was not tender in action along with her words. Hell, she scares Moblit, her own squad, and the rest of the scouting legion to death. You would mistake her for a male, but I don’t, I know every part of her to doubt what she is. Despite her demeanor, she can be terrifying. I wouldn’t cross her if it wasn’t necessary. There are certain times she annoys me and ignores my cleaning schedule for Eren. I forgive her anyway because I get to tag along to witness her latest experiment. I know she knows better, it’s obviously why Erwin consults her. I trust her. Her tactics and logic would make anyone confused. She could mentally torture you if she was bored, though I know she is far greater of a person with morality to do such things. She would be a great loss if she was to die. For humanity. For the Scouting Legion. For her squad. For Erwin. For me. It’s not a perfect time to be sentimental, I know. What am I doing anyway?

I think as I gaze down at her. She’s in bed, messy and dirty as ever. She must’ve had another all-nighter again. It irks me to see her like this, but she’s always like this. I let her touch me if she’s telling the truth about being clean. Sometimes, she tricks me, her skin is soft yet I know there are dirt hiding in it. If I can’t touch her, I just stare at her like what I’m doing now. I stare, and stare, and stare. Tall and skinny, she forgets to eat sometimes or actually, most of the time. Even so, she isn’t fragile to begin with. Her light yellow polo creases against the sheets and I can see she’s wearing short shorts under them. I wonder when did she last wash them? Then again, I wonder when did she last wash herself? I dismiss these questions and continue to train my eyes on her.

There’s no sign of waking up. I savour this moment, thinking if it could last forever. I know, it won’t. Soon, she’ll be rubbing sleep from her eyes. She will be surprised to see me in her room again, watching her in her sleep. I’ll scold her about keeping her room and herself clean. She’ll laugh at first. We will get to the cleaning part after she has her cup of coffee. She never questions why I’m here. I don’t question myself either. She’s used to this by now and so am I. We spend most of the day inside her room unless we were called for a meeting or an emergency. But today, I don’t think anything can happen. Not unless, it was in this room. On her bed. But I highly doubt it - her sheets need laundering and her room needs to be rid of the dust again. Not to mention, she really has to take a bath, for God’s sake.


	4. On The Brink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about how would Hanji be if she had a breakdown. Contains a bit of spoilers. Just some hints.

The banging of her door echoed throughout her room. She curled up into a ball under her sheets. She did her best to drone it out by cupping her ears. She just wanted to be left alone for now, but the person on the other side of the door did not. Hanji very well knew those fists landing on the wooden door.

Levi grunted and furrowed his brows together as he continued to hit his fists against the door. His patience was running out and so this pushed him to kick the door open. The lock gave way and it swung open. He walked inside the room and pushed the door closed. He grabbed the nearest chair to keep it closed once again.

He approached the shaking figure on the bed and pulled the sheets off of it. Hanji welped. Her eyes were shut and her hair laid disheveled. She seemed weak and tormented, but from what?

“Hey,” Levi said. “Hanji.”

Hanji gasped and squinted her eyes open. She slowly sat herself up. “L-Levi.. Is that you?”

“Move.” Levi placed himself on the edge of the bed, staring at Hanji. “You are still thinking about that?”

“I can’t stop myself.” Hanji cradled her head in her hands. “Erwin can’t take control for now and I’m just so worried and confused and-”

“So many ‘ands’ again.” Levi said. “It’s a difficult decision, I can’t decide either.”

Hanji closed her eyes and began to weep. Burying her face further in her hands, she cringed in pain from so much thought and exhaustion. What was she supposed to do? Even though she had a brilliant mind, she was also human. And minds have the tendency to get tired and cause the individual to breakdown.

She started to sob, she was at her limit and couldn’t take it anymore. Her mind was restless. She did not expect for everything to get worse this way. She knew herself that as a leader she wasn’t to be a mess. But the suppression of what she truly felt about their situation with the titans was enough.

“I’m here to collect your sadness.” Levi pulled Hanji’s hand away from her face. Her face, especially her eyes, were a glaring red.

“What?” Hanji sniffed and wiped her nose with her free arm.

“It’s difficult to feel alone and subdued in a situation like this.” He said. “We’re counting on each other, on everyone, to make everything work.”

“But Levi, I-”

“And with you in a catastrophe like this, how do you expect for us to function without the brainchild of our plans?” Levi hissed.

“I’ve never told anyone. But right now, all I want to do is cry.” Hanji said.

“You can cry all you want, but don’t cry to the point where no one’s left to carry on.”

Hanji let out a wail, she grew even redder and more tears streamed down her cheeks. This made Levi feel uneasy. He found himself useless, all he could do was watch her cry. He knew Hanji had an iron brain, but the emotions of a woman can easily smelt that iron.

“Just for one day, I want it all to go away.” She said between sobs. “I want to be able to think normally again. I have to throw away all these thoughts somewhere.”

“Then toss them over to me.” Levi said.

“You always get tired of listening to me.” Hanji frowned.

“If it has something to do with titans that I already know shit about then yes, I do get tired of that.” Levi let out a sigh.

“My concerns this time are different, I don’t frequently cry about them - except for Sawney and Bean.”

“I’ll listen like how you listen to me.” Levi reassured her.

“Really?” Hanji cried more when Levi gave her a nod. Finally! Someone she could confide in.

There was no sign of Hanji stopping any time soon. Levi pushed himself forward and hugged her as she whimpered under his touch. This did not surprise her and she hugged him tightly. Levi’s cravat was soaked on contact, because of this he made a mental note to wash his clothes later. He released her from the tight embrace and laid her down back on the bed. Both of them stared at each other. Hanji sniffled and snorted, Levi pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

She unfolded it and blew into it. “I’ll give it back to you, washed and folded.” She tucked the wet handkerchief under the pillow.

“Don’t bother, you can have it.” Levi felt irked. He knew Hanji’s laundering isn’t as great as her tactics.

Hanji continued to gaze back at him.

“Do you still feel shitty?” He said. “I’ll let you cry more, little baby.”

“No, but, can you stay here with me for a while?” Hanji batted her long eyelashes, still wet with tears.

“When will you return in command?” Levi questioned her.

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Make it tomorrow morning.”

“Deal.”

Hanji sighed in relief. She gave Levi a peck on the lips which in turn caused Levi to flinch. “Thanks, Levi.” She giggled at Levi’s reddening face.

Levi touched her head and pushed her towards him, causing him to kiss her. “Don’t mention it.”

Hanji smiled at him. She was thankful to have him with her, even if it was for a day only. He was enough anchor for her to be at bay again. She curled towards him and swung her legs a bit, finding Levi’s toes under her knees. Boy, was he short yet his patience with her was longer.

She fell into a deep sleep after her tears subsided. Levi remained by her side until it was night. She woke up by this time and that’s when she started to tell Levi all the things that weighed down her world. That night, Levi gained a better insight on Hanji, a deeper meaning to their bond. And he was glad that he got into Hanji’s own little mind even for a small amount of time.


	5. Time For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spur of the moment fic again, enjoy peeps. 
> 
> I TRIED DOING FIFTY SHADES STYLE FOR FUN AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THIS BYE

Sometimes, I can’t comprehend why I came to love you. And I know that most of the troops in the Scouting Legion would be dumbfounded when asked the same question.

What a huge irony it is, how cold you are to many yet how spontaneous and hot you are to me. Your eyes are like daggers and I smile in return when I look at them. Because I know how you really feel about me. I often think about the development of our relationship and whenever I visit every memory with you, it makes me chuckle.

Right now, I can’t help but hug you. I twirl your hair in bed. Our bare bodies against each other’s. Your scent lingers on my skin and on the covers. You smell clean, like soap and deodorant but whoever said that was a turn-off though?

“Hanji,” You whisper in your sleep. I place a light peck on your lips. Your eyes slowly open, staring back at me - those eyes that they call intimidating though to me are enticing.

How did we end up like this? Ah right, you arrived at my door the previous night. Upset that I am still awake and busy at 2 am, you scolded me, picked me up, and put me to bed, with you. I think the reason is that you missed me. Ever since Erwin gave me that assignment, our time together has grown from little to nothing. You already know that once I’m immersed in my study of titans, it is hard to get me out of it.

If you think that I am unaffected by this, I actually am. All those days when I can’t even see you, not even once, it made me anxious. You are overworked because of the intensive training given to your new squad and I am nowhere to be seen, too occupied with the data I need to study. Then finally, you snapped. You wanted to see me and you were hoping I was still awake last night. And you were right.

I do not feel violated nor did it feel like you imposed yourself, I was waiting for you. In my mind I was secretly longing for you and then one night, you were there. I apologize if I was not able to visit your room, I know you prefer it there. It is cleaner but my bed is better at holding the both of us.

I smile and hug you even tighter, our skin sticking to each other. “Good morning, Levi.”

“We slept in again. They might be looking for us.” You say, ruffling my hair.

“They think I won’t be coming out for a while. What about you?” I reached for my glasses on the table. I put them on and peer at the clock. The time says it’s 11:45 am, lunch time. Everyone should be busy taking their meal by then.

“I’m in charge of the rounds for training. Let the next in line handle it.” You pushed your head against my breast, nudging at its softness. “This Lance Corporal needs his Hanji time.”

“What if they come looking for you?” I brush my fingers through your tufts of hair.

“Well, it’s not like they can get in here.” You pointed at the door. I looked up to see my desk, chair, and cabinet against it.

“Levi, what have you done?” I try to stop myself from laughing.

“They’ve working our asses off lately, a day shouldn’t hurt.” You said. You took my hand and started kissing me. Your morning breath doesn’t stink, you must’ve woken up earlier and brushed your teeth.

“I haven’t told you,” I said, leaning back to look at you. “It’s my third day of no bathing.”

You cringe and slide out of my embrace. You make your way to my bathroom. I can hear water running, you must be filling the tub. You return and sit on the edge of the bed, staring at me naked. I had nothing on but my glasses which doesn’t make much of a difference. 

It surprises me how romantic and caring you can be when you have no mercy when it comes to killing titans and scolding soldiers. Although, you are mean to me at given times. Your soft side, isn’t really soft, but you are really more than your mean exterior.

You come out of the bathroom to fetch me. “The bath should be ready." 

I take my towel and stand up. I almost scream when you flip me over and carry me through the door. 

"I thought soldiers should do everything themselves.” I said.

“Right now, we are not soldiers.” You drop me gently into the tub.

“I’ll wash myself. Do you want to join me?” I ask.

“I went ahead of you when you were snoring.” You smirked and splashed water in my face.

After half an hour, I find myself fresh and clean from the bath. I sit on the bed with you behind me. You casually brush my hair over and over. Feeling every strand before finally wounding it up in my usual messy pony tail. You hold it for a few moments then turn me around to kiss me.

We embrace each other, hungry for more. Your muscles flex when my skin touches yours. I trace the entirety of your body, feeling every crevice I could. In return, you caress mine, I know you like how everything feels soft despite having callouses, bruises, and scars. Your body is the same as mine - only smaller in height. It felt like an eternity that I wanted to last. Pushing and pulling our lips together, I felt as if I’m going to melt any moment now. Before long, our tongues are colliding and we are exchanging breaths. Not wanting to separate or stop, we keep going as long as we can. What a hot mess we are, how beautiful and dangerous we can be.

I gaze into your eyes as I breathe in and out. You hovered over me as you support yourself with your arms. Examining every bit of my face, you start to kiss me again.

I am unable to remember what happened next. I awoke to the sight of you watching me sleep. How long have you been awake? The clock says it’s 6 PM. We haven’t eaten anything and I am starting to get hungry. But I could care less, I can always get food but I can seldom get you in my room for 24 hours.

“Levi,” Without any hesitation, I kiss you again. “I love you.”

“I know, Hanji.” You cup my chin, pull me towards you, and kiss me back. “I love you too.”

“What happened to pushing away my face or to your ‘tsk’-ing.” I joke.

“Not in front of everyone, mind you.” You roll your eyes at me.

“I know, but it’s fun to tease you.” I tangle my legs with yours and hug you tighter. 

“You act as if this is the only time we see each other.”

“It’s not like we can do this every time we meet.”

I lightly scratch a trail on your arm’s skin. You bring me closer and rest your head on breasts. You kiss the top of them for a bit before completely settling on them. And like this, we sleep into another night. 

When I am busy, titans will always be number one in my train of thought. But there are circumstances that I can’t stop thinking of you. I’m crazy, everyone, including you, knows that. You have the patience and balls to deal with me. Well, you aren’t boring like the other men, from what I can see. I like that. I could go on and on about what happened those two consecutive nights. Nobody found out nor came barging in, I think they already know. Especially Erwin, at least he respects us.

When the next day came, we resumed our posts and performed our duties. You thought I was still locked up in my room, I was watching you scrub scum off the canteen with your squad. I also saw you taking a nap that afternoon. You do your thing, and I do mine. But always know that you’ll be the person I will wait for. And if you don’t come back yet, then it’s my turn to return to you.

**Author's Note:**

> These are reposted from my tumblr, namihon. Also, LeviHan lazing around in bed is my guilty pleasure so expect more of them in these scenarios.


End file.
